


Make Me Laugh

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [33]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Dark Prince Charming (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Annoyed Batman, Car Chases, Criminal Mischief, F/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Punishment, Reaction, Revenge, Smut, fails, nonabusive Joker and Harley Quinn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:27:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26228662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker and Harley decide to try making reaction videos.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel
Series: Gotham Nights [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/551110
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	Make Me Laugh

Joker spun Harley around and pinned her against the wall. Harley gasped as her palms hit the wall, but she grinned as she felt his hot breath against the back of her neck purring her name, his voice like a caress. He had already pulled her jester’s hood off and tossed it to the ground, leaving her pigtails a little loose and lopsided. Now she could feel the pull of her zipper as he drew it down the back of her jester’s costume, his tongue caressing the lobe of her ear. She shivered as Joker moved to press his lips to the back of her neck. His teeth teased her skin before catching her earlobe once more, this time with his teeth, sending shivers down her spine. 

“I do so love it when a plan goes well,” Joker purred against the back of her ear. 

Harley giggled and leaned back against him. “Me too puddin.” 

They had just returned from a successful heist, having hit a caravan of armored trucks. They had gotten away with more than half the money, mostly because Batman had fumbled--or rather his Robin had fumbled--allowing Joker to throw the kid over the side of the bridge they were on forcing Batman to make a choice: stop them or save Robin. 

Of course the big buffoon had chosen his little Robin. Harley and Joker were both of the opinion Batsy really should teach his little sidekicks to swim, especially when playing on bridges. 

Now they were flush with cash (being taken care of by Frost at the moment) and Joker and Harley were both in very good moods. It was time to celebrate! Which was why the moment they had stumbled back into their room at their hideout, Joker had shoved Harley up against the wall in order to peel her suit off of her. 

Joker chuckled softly, licking her ear one more time before he began kissing his way down her spine while he pulled the zipper down farther, opening up her outfit. He stopped at her waist, reached up to peel her suit off her shoulders, and traced the line of her shoulders with his lips while he tugged the material down her arms. After he tugged the suit off her arms, he used his fingertips to trace over her skin slowly, following a line back up her arms, then slowly down again. 

Harley shivered. The gloves against her skin felt erotic even as his touch was soft, barely there, just a whisper of leather against her skin, but he was sending little bolts of heat to her groin where the heat branched out, encompassing her. She sucked on her bottom lip as the heat in her groin began to grow with anticipation. 

Joker reached for her suit again and pulled it down past her hips. He pulled the suit down to her legs, stopping to drag his fingers along the skin of her back, stopping only long enough to pull his gloves off so he could touch her with his bare hands. He leaned close to brush his lips against her, inhaling deeply. Her skin smelled of vanilla and sweat, which made him smile. With just the tips of his fingers Joker traced her hips, circled her firm rear before cupping her backside and squeezing her ass with a grin. 

Harley moaned when she felt the bare skin of his hands against her followed by a giggle when he squeezed her butt, and shivered feeling a fresh rush of goosebumps over her skin at his touch. 

She glanced over her shoulder at him. Joker was squatted behind her, caressing the back of her legs. She blushed, pressing her lips together. She felt worshiped, cared for...loved. 

While kissing the back of her thighs, Joker reached down to pull off her boots until he could pull the suit off her feet. He loved the fact that under her jester’s outfit Harley was completely naked. It was also fun whenever they were fighting and she dressed her in classic outfit because he could just imagine her naked doing her acrobatics. 

Leaning down, Joker kissed the back of her knees, grinning when he heard her soft moan. He glanced up as Harley leaned forward, pressing her hands against the wall. Joker’s hands gently squeezed her thighs, working his way up her body, his hands sliding up the back of her legs, cupping her rear while he pressed a kiss to her tailbone. He made a soft growl at the back of his throat, pressing his nose against her skin, kissing her tailbone again. 

He giggled and whispered against her skin, “Never say I don’t kiss your ass.” 

Harley laughed lightly. “Haha…” 

Joker grinned as he kissed her tailbone again before he stood. “I am funny aren’t I?” 

“Always puddin.” Harley giggled in response, shooting him a heated glance over her shoulder that made Joker’s insides do flip-flops. 

Sliding his hands along her hips, Joker pressed his body against her, pressing her forward against the wall. His hands snaked around to her stomach, his fingers spread wide to feel as much of her as he could. His hands glided up along her stomach, caressing her soft skin before moving slowly up her torso, edging upwards to her breasts. 

Planting kisses along the side of her throat, Joker cupped her breasts, squeezed gently, lifted and then squeezed again while he pressed his pelvis against her. He was rock hard for her, but he didn't want to take her just yet. He liked torturing himself a little while longer. Instead he focused on gently pinching her nipples, one hand sliding back down her flat stomach, his long fingers sliding between her legs. When Harley gasped and jerked in delighted response to his fingers, Joker smiled wider. He leaned his face against her throat, his breath a tantalizing caress long her skin. 

“Mm...I love you my sweet pumpkin pie,” he growled as his fingers slowly caressed her soft skin and gently pinched the nipple of one breast. 

Harley responded by leaning back against him, moaning softly. “Puddin. I love you...” 

His fingers pressed against her followed by stroking her back and forth while he softly flicked his fingertip across her nipple. He bent his knees a little and grinned as he thought to himself, Harley had the flexibility, but he had the reach…one of the many benefits of being tall. 

Harley bucked and moaned against her husband’s touch followed by her hips thrusting forward when his fingers slipped inside her. Joker growled again, his tongue caressing her throat as he slid his finger in and out of her, moving slowly, easing in, then out. He groaned, feeling how wet she was, wet and slick. Thrusting his fingers into her again with a little more force, Joker also pressed his swollen shaft against her rear, rubbing just a little while sliding his fingers into her. He rubbed her clitoris a moment before sliding his fingers back inside her. He kept his fingers inside her, thrusting them into her with more force, his thumb pressing her against her clitoris and rolling the pad of his thumb against her, lightly pinching her nipple at the same time, making Harley jerk and gasp. 

Harley began to thrust against him, placing her hands against the wall in front of her, rubbing her rear against Joker’s bound erection, meeting his thrusting fingers with her own gentle thrusts of her pelvis against his touch. Growling deep in his throat, Joker began to suck on her shoulder, nibbling, sucking, running his tongue over her until he had left a small bruise on her creamy skin. His erection ached, his pants felt far too tight, and the urge to thrust against her was nearly overwhelming, but he didn’t want to, at least not just yet. He wanted to hear his girl climax, wanted her wet and panting in ecstasy. 

Using his foot, Joker pushed against her foot to spread her legs wide. He thrust a little faster, while his thumb against her clitoris rubbed a little more firmly and his lips moved to her ear. 

“You are so wet Harley...I love feeling you, dripping for me,” Joker purred and pinched her nipple just a hint harder. “I want to fuck you so badly...I want to fuck you hard, thrusting into you, burying my cock completely inside your warm, wet, sweet pussy…” Joker hissed lightly biting her ear. “Do you want that?” he asked. 

Harley’s eyes rolled at the warm, delicious sound of his voice. Joker didn’t talk dirty to her often, but whenever he did, he sent her spiraling over the edge because it was always so unexpected when it happened. This time was no different. Between the sexy seduction of his voice and the feel of his fingers, a shudder of pleasure rippled through her. She jerked as he pressed his fingers deep into her, twisting them just a little, but it was enough. She came with a jerk, thrusting against his fingers, her own fingers digging at the wall. “Uh...puddin...yes...yes…” She gasped and shuddered. 

Joker chuckled with pleasure and thrust his fingers in and out of Harley for a few more seconds, extending Harley’s orgasm, grinning when he felt the warm, slick rush of fluid against his fingers. 

He groaned. “Yes Harley...oh yes...” 

He removed his hands from her, causing Harley to groan with displeasure, but he moved quickly, unfastening his slacks and pushing his pants and boxers down eagerly. His erection throbbed, almost painful with his need for her. He grabbed himself with one hand, sliding the head of his erection against her ass and bit his bottom lip. Her skin was so soft that his erection jerked in his hand when he touched her. Harley kept her hands against the wall and arched her back thrusting her rear at him, her legs spread. She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, her blue eyes twinkling. 

Joker smiled at her. That wicked gleam in her eyes and that gorgeous smile sent ripples of want and need through his entire body. He reached for her, grasped her hip with one hand while he stroked the head of his erection against her wet, slick opening. He hissed. Harley felt so wet, warm… 

Harley thrust back just slightly as he pressed the head of his erection against her, groaning, begging him. 

“Puddin...I want you...I need you...” she pleaded. 

The sound of her sweet voice had him shuddering. He slowly pushed himself past her natural barriers, sliding himself inch by inch into her. He shuddered again as her wet, slick juices coated him until he was buried inside her. He grabbed her hip with his other hand and forced himself to remain still for a few precious seconds, holding himself deep inside her. He knew if he did move right away, he could cum instantly. She felt wonderful, exquisite. 

Harley arched her back, rising up on the balls of her feet, using the wall to steady herself, squeezing him tight with her inner muscles and causing him to hiss again. She smiled, licking her lips and groaned. “Puddin...now. Please...” 

Joker grinned squeezing her hips. “If you insist…” 

Pressing the top of her head against the wall, Harley groaned loudly when Joker began to thrust into her. She loved the feel of his fingers grasping her hips, his pelvis pressed against her rear as he moved. He felt so good, thrusting inside her. Groaning, she arched her her back and pressed her fingers into the wall, wanting to claw at it as he filled her until she was seeing stars. She climaxed with a shudder and cried out, pressing back against her lover. 

Joker whimpered when he felt her climax, her body tightening around him, pulling at him. His knees felt weak, forcing him to tighten his hold on her hips. He didn't want to give in to the urge to slam into her, but Harley felt too good and he was weak. Tightening his hold on her hips, Joker yanked her back against him, thrusting into her, his pelvis slapping against her ass until he felt as if he exploded inside her. His orgasm made him wobble for a split second and his cry of delightful release echoed his wife’s. He had to hold her hips, pulling her tight against him as he emptied himself into her with a long, continuous shudder. 

Feeling Joker swelling inside her, the slap of their flesh meeting as he thrust into her, hearing her lover’s sudden intake of breath combined with his groan of release, and the way he held her hips, all of those precious things combined to make Harley peak again. Her third orgasm washed over her, causing her to whimper and hiss with pleasure until finally, reluctantly, Joker stopped moving. 

They were both breathing hard, neither of them trusting themselves to move yet. 

Joker leaned over and kissed the middle of her back. “What do you say to a shower and some ice cream in bed?” 

Harley giggled, her entire body feeling relaxed enough now she thought she could sleep for a week. “I think that sounds perfect puddin.” 

Joker kissed her back again before he slowly slid out of her, both of them groaning as their bodies parted. 

Harley stood up straight, tuning to Joker and watched him with a giggle as he kicked his shoes off while trying not to trip over his pants which were down around his ankles. He got his shoes off and out of his pants before he took her hand. 

“Shall we?” he asked with a boyish smile. 

Harley laughed. He looked adorable in his socks, his shirt, vest and jacket and no pants. 

“Yes, we shall.” Harley took his hand. 

Joker grinned at her, swinging their hands between them and with a light skip, they headed off to the shower. 

* 

Later, both of them now clean and in bed, Joker in a pair of smiley face boxers and nothing else, Harley wearing a black sports bra and some pink boxers of her own, the covers pulled up over their laps. They had a sticker covered laptop resting between them as they shared a large bowl of chocolate and vanilla ice cream covered in rainbow sprinkles. 

Joker laughed pointing at the screen. “I love these reaction videos! I love that Goth guy...what’s his name...it’s like a real douchey name…the one who looks like me sometimes...” He frowned trying to think of who he was talking about. Harley giggled. “I think it's a really vanilla name, like Jake or something…” 

Joker nodded. “Yeah...anyway...” He stopped in mid sentence, his spoon halfway to his mouth, his blue eyes brightening. When he spoke his voice held a whisper of excitement. 

“Harley, I’ve just had the most wonderful idea.” 

Harley glanced sideways at him, her spoon in her mouth. “Wha--?” she asked around her spoon. 

Joker grinned, turning to look at her. “We should do our own reaction videos!! We could put out a request for people to do things to make us laugh…” He quickly ate the ice cream off his spoon and started to gesture with it. “We could offer prizes to the best videos!!” He grinned at her as he warmed to the idea. “Can you imagine what people would do to get prizes from us??!!” 

Harley frowned for a moment in thought before a smile tugged at her lips. “Oooo...puddin...yes! Just imagine the chaos we could create just getting people to make videos for us?!” 

Joker laughed and kicked his legs almost knocking their laptop over, as well as their ice cream bowl. “OOh!! This is going to be great!!” 

* 

Frost, with Archie standing next to him in his regular white clown costume and chewing on the end of an unlit cigar, were behind the camera with Bob who was dressed this evening in a dark blue leotard with a emerald green and navy blue tutu that was short in the front and long in the back with a train. He had on shimmer blue leggings and a pair of bright purple hightops. He was bent over looking through the camera at Joker and Harley who were sitting behind a desk, the entire room set up to look like a newsroom. There was a large poster board behind them that had a rather intricate map of Gotham city painted on it in crayon and acrylic paint with a large red smile painted across it and “HaHaHa!” over that in bold green letters. Over the top of the map in cutout paper letters were the words in purple and red: 

THE JOKER AND HARLEY QUINN NEWS HOUR. 

Joker grinned, his arms resting on the desk, his dark green gloved hands folded in front of him, a smile plastered on his face. Joker had his hair slicked back, except for the one errant curl on his forehead, his eyes a bright mischievous blue. Tonight he wore a dark green slim fit three piece suit that really highlighted his trim, slender figure, with a black dress shirt, double breasted green vest, and a bright floral purple and green tie. He had a gold chain across his tie that connected the points of his collar together 

Next to him sat Harley who had her hair done up in a sexy Veronica Lake inspired side part with the waves running along the side of her face. She wore a sharp cut dress in blood red with shoulder pads which made her look as if she had stepped right out of the 1940’s. Under the desk she had on black silk nylons and red, ankle-strapped heels. 

Both she and Joker had their lips painted a bright, cherry red and were smiling brightly at the camera. 

Bob held up a hand with three fingers up while he peered through the camera, then slowly folded them down one by one, once all his fingers were down Joker looked into the camera with a big smile. 

“Good evening Gotham!! It’s your favorite clowns, Joker and Harley Quinn…” 

Harley leaned over and waved. “Hiya!” 

Joker chuckled and continued. “...here to bring you the latest news in Gotham!” Joker leaned forward a little bit as if he had some delicious secret he was about to share. “Tonight’s leading story: The Batman is still a big boob.” 

Harley leaned over and added with a grin. “Why does Batman run around with underage boys?” 

“Does Batman have something to hide?” Joker added with Harley giggling. 

“Not in that costume he doesn't!” 

Joker nodded sagely. “And truly, I am not impressed!” 

“He’s overcompensating puddin. Have you seen that motorized penis he drives?” Harley shook her head. “The bigger a man’s car, the smaller the dingdangle.” 

Both the clowns laughed, but Joker shook his head and said, “Hmm. What does that say about me? I almost never drive…” He waggled his eyebrows at Harley and then the camera. “In other news, The Riddler is still the most indirect asshole in all of Gotham with the worst taste in fashion.” 

Harley snickered. “And Catwoman? Will she or won’t she give old Batman the catnip??!” 

Joker laughed brightly before shaking his head again. “All right boys and girls, let’s get to the real news at hand. Harley and I have decided that we are going to be making some videos for all you hungry little Joker and Harley Quinn fans out there. Now before you get excited, no we are not making pornos. Your poor little minds couldn’t handle that.” Joker grinned at the camera. 

“But...we have decided to do our own reaction videos. And here’s the fun part--my pumpkin and I will be reacting to your videos!!” 

The sound of canned applause followed Joker’s announcement. 

The camera then focused on Harley. “I bet you’re just asking yourself...what kind of videos are they going to be reacting to? Here is where the real fun begins boys and girls. You…” She pointed at the screen. “...will send us your more epic fails or your best pranks. My puddin and I will watch them live and react to them, and here is the bonus! Whoever sends us the best fail or prank of the night will get a prize from us the next day!!!” More canned applause. 

Joker nodded his head enthusiastically. “That’s right boys and girls, whichever fails or pranks make us laugh the most wins a prize!! Now...what are these prizes you ask? Well, they can be anywhere from hundreds of dollars…” 

Harley picked up the thread. “To something fun like one of Bob’s homemade tutus…” 

“Or something even more fun, an explosion or a box full of Joker gas!! It’s a surprise, though that’s the real prize!” Joker and Harley both laughed together. 

Taking a breath, Joker wiped at his eyes. “So, boys and girls of Gotham, get out there and make your old Uncle Joker and Aunt Harley laugh and we’ll see what prizes you’ll win!! Just upload your videos to Gotham’s own GothamStories website!! Harley and I will be watching!!” 

* 

The video cut off. 

Bruce Wayne growled from where he sat in his chair in the living room. “This isn’t going to be good.” 

Alfred, who stood behind Batman, having just started to remove a tray with the remains of Master Bruce’s dinner frowned and glanced from the television to Bruce. “But GothamStories doesn’t allow violent content, correct?” 

“No, they don’t, but they have violent content listed as anything with visible blood so there is a lot that can happen without visible bloodshed.” Bruce leaned forward, the elbow of his right hand dug into his thigh as he made a fist. 

“Sir, you shouldn’t get too worked up about this. Perhaps the videos will simply be what they are intended to be--silly pranks and fails, nothing more,” Alfred suggested. 

Bruce nodded. “Hopefully, which would leave only these prizes for me to worry about.” 

“Well sir, knowing Joker and Miss Quinn, Joker will have no issues making the location of the prizes public. Perhaps you will either be able to catch them in the act of leaving them or at least intervene and pick up these prizes before any harm comes to anyone. Or, there is always the chance no one will respond to Joker and Miss Quinn’s request.” 

Bruce shook his head with a frown darkening his features as he growled softly. “This is Gotham City.” 

* 

It wasn’t long before the first videos began to trickle in. 

Joker and Harley were set up in their own little room, the background of which was decorated with old circus posters and other memorabilia along with strings of multicolored lights. They had a computer in front of them with headphones for both of them (Joker’s being bright green with round, glow-in-the-dark bobbers on a couple of springs on his head that bounced every time he moved, and Harley with a pair of red, glowing devil horns as part of her headset) and mics set up with the help of Frost, Bob, Archie and one or two new henchpeople who were good with computers, giving Joker and Harley a decent set up. 

Joker grinned into the camera, a cigarette held between his fingers. Tonight he was wearing a grey t-shirt with the Batman symbol on his chest and some green and purple suspenders with his favorite purple slacks, while Harley was wearing a red and black halter top with a pair of red and black boxer shorts, sitting cross-legged and barefoot in her chair. 

Taking a long drag on his cigarette Joker grinned at the screen, blowing out a long stream of smoke. “All right boys and girls, let’s see what you sent Uncle Joker and Aunt Harley today, shall we?” Joker beamed at the screen while reaching over to flick ashes into an ashtray. “I have to say, your response was fantastic!! Harley and I were really pleased to see how many videos we got!” 

Harley laughed. “Yeah!! This is going to be great!” 

“Okay folks, let’s see if you can make us laugh shall we?” Joker reached forward and hit a button somewhere off screen. 

* 

Robin sat in front of the computer monitoring the “show” with Alfred while Batman was on the prowl. The young man had recovered from the bridge incident, but Batman refused to let him out on the street and...Tim had to agree that Batman had a point here--Tim was good with computers and someone needed to monitor the clowns. Except Tim wasn’t able to trace their IP address, no matter what he did. Whoever was covering them was good, really good. That part irritated him, but he continued to try every trick he knew to continue the search. So while he worked he also watched Joker and Harley reacting to the videos they were sent, which was actually pretty funny; not that he would ever tell Batman that. 

* 

Joker laughed with tears in his eyes as he threw his head back and held his stomach as the video of a young man doing motorcycle tricks lost control of his bike, hit the middle cement guard rail and was flung over the side. 

“Oh that’s rich!!” 

Harley snickered. Joker was clearly finding all the videos in which someone was hurt the funniest. “Ready for the next one puddin?” 

Joker waved a hand, unable to speak. 

Harley giggled and loaded up the next. 

* 

After over an hour of videos, Joker was wiping his eyes, tears of laughter making his dark eyelashes glitter. Harley was giggling, wiping her own eyes while Joker shook his head. 

“Oh Gotham, you out did yourself! We loved every video, didn’t we Harls?” Joker reached up and caressed Harley’s jaw. 

Harley giggled. “Oh yeah, they were great.” 

Joker nodded turning back to the screen. “But there can only be four winners children! Harley my dear…” Joker gestured toward her. 

Harley grinned at the camera. “The four best videos are: the motorcycle guy, that guy who hit his head on the metal pipe...” Joker interrupted her with a laugh slapping his knee. “That bonking sound was perfect!!” 

Harley giggled and continued. “The lady who face planted on that hill in Robinson Park...and last but not least, the guy who fell off the bridge!” 

Joker clapped his hands. “Your prizes will be at these addresses my darlings.” 

A list of four random addresses throughout Gotham scrolled at the bottom of the screen. 

Joker tilted his head and grinned at the screen. “Now, if anyone gets to your prize before you do, just send your Uncle Joker a little video message letting me know and your old uncle will take care of it!” His smile had a sinister edge this time before it quickly changed to a more relaxed grin. “And make sure to send your aunt and uncle a video of you opening your gifts!!” 

Joker wrinkled his nose smiling. “Say good night Harley.” 

“Good night Harley!” 

* 

By the time Tim had the addresses and had relayed them to Batman and by the time Batman had finished the fight he was in with some of Two-Face’s men...the prizes had all been found. 

The only thing Batman could hope for now was that there were no deaths. 

* 

The next night Joker and Harley were dressed in matching onesie pajamas, Joker in purple while Harley was in pink. 

Joker grinned at the screen. “Evening Gotham!! Tonight we’re going to start with the wonderful videos that y'all sent us of you getting your gifts! Isn’t that right Harls?” 

Harley nodded. “It is puddin!” She reached over off the screen and the first video popped up. The image showed a couple from the Robinson Park video finding one of the packages. They opened the box wrapped in purple paper with a big green bow. Inside the box was a gift for $20 to Big Belly Burger. The couple grinned and showed off their prize. Another video showed the young man from the head pipe video opening a box and pulling out a colorful rainbow tutu. 

Joker stopped the video to smile. “That was made by our one and only BOB! Come here Bob!!” Joker gestured and Bob suddenly appeared on the screen, the big man in a onesie of light green with a pink tutu around his waist. Bob waved at the camera, then quickly disappeared. 

The next two videos showed a couple opening up a box filled with hundred dollar bills (all from Joker and Harley’s heist) and the last box was filled with half a dozen of Joker’s chattering teeth. 

Joker grinned at the camera before he spun his chair around almost hitting Harley. “Let’s see what we have tonight kiddies!!” 

Harley giggled. “Ready when you are puddin!” 

Catching his chair, Joker turned to waggle his eyebrows at Harley. “I’m always ready Harley, you know that.” 

Harley giggled and blushed before they started to watch videos. 

* 

Tim sighed reporting to Batman through the headset he wore. “The prizes were nothing dangerous, some chattering teeth, a tutu, a gift card and some money...I mean, that might be money they stole, but nothing dangerous…” 

Batman’s voice sounded annoyed on the other end of the line. “Just...keep watching...they are going to do something. They can’t help themselves.” 

* 

Over the next four days the videos came in. Lots of videos. Some of the failures were becoming more dangerous with at least two people ending up in the hospital. Harley and Joker were also receiving more prank videos which were becoming more and more dangerous as well, especially when everyone who was watching and sending videos in realized that the videos that were the most dangerous and violent were the ones that were getting the money. 

Each time Joker and Harley gave away bigger amounts of money with some of the gifts, the strange gifts they gave were ending up on Ebay, going for big money to collectors and Joker and Harley fans, but finally on the fifth night a video was sent in… 

Joker, wearing his own Arkham Asylum inmate uniform (along with Harley) frowned at the screen. “Kiddies, it seems that Batman has finally showed up to spoil our fun!” In the corner of the screen a video clip showed up that displayed Batman pulling the gifts that Joker had left out of its hiding spot. Everyone watched as Batman opened the box and pulled out a necklace made of teeth. 

Joker clicked the video away. “Really Batman...such a spoil sport.” He shook his head looking over at Harley. “What do you think we should do about him pumpkin?” 

Harley smiled slowly. “I think we should have one of the prizes be a boobie prize puddin...just for the big boobie.” 

“Harley! That’s an excellent idea!” Joker reached over and grabbed her face with one hand, squeezing her cheeks as he pulled her close and kissed her. Harley giggled happily. 

Joker rubbed his long nose against hers before he let her go. “Well then…” He turned back to the camera. “I guess there will be five prizes, but whoever captures Batman getting the boobie prize gets $4000! Now...on with the show!!” 

* 

Joker and Harley’s show on the sixth night started with just a video that showed Batman once more finding one of their hidden gifts, except this time when Batman carefully opened the box, it was clear he was expecting something as the moment the box made a whirring sound he grabbed a clear lid from off the screen and slammed it down on the box. The box exploded, but not in a bright explosion of fire. Instead the box exploded with a large splash of green paint. 

The video paused and the viewers could hear Joker’s barely contained giggles mixed with Harley’s giggles. “Here it comes…” 

Batman waited a full two minutes before he reached over and slowly removed the covering. The moment the covering was moved, something else was triggered inside the box. Batman’s reaction was quick, he made a grunt and brought his cape up, but whatever sprayed from the box covered his cape and looked to have covered part of his face. This was followed by Batman making another sound which was hard to translate, but then he ran out of frame and there was the unmistakable sound of coughing followed by the sound of dry gagging. 

Joker and Harley came into view as the video was clicked away. 

Both clowns were laughing, in hysterics. 

Harley had her face on Joker’s shoulder leaning dangerously to the side in her chair while Joker put his arm around her. “Co...me...he...re pum...pkin!” He was laughing so hard he was having a hard time breathing and could barely get the words out. Harley got up and sat on Joker’s lap. He held her tight, the two of them laughing, in tears and barely able to breathe. 

Joker snickered burying his face against Harley’s hair holding on tight to her before he finally took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead broke down into another fit of giggles which caused Harley to giggle more. 

Another few seconds passed until Joker breathed again. “Okay, okay...that boobie prize…” he wheezed on a laugh before trying again. “...that prize had stink gas in it!!” He started to snicker again. “So if any of you criminals are out there tonight and you smell something really bad…” He giggled forcing himself to breathe. “...It’s BATMAN!! The Bat Stinker!” 

Harley and Joker broke down into a fresh fit of giggles. 

* 

The seventh night of their streaming, Joker sat in his chair wearing his favorite purple suit with the yellow vest, blue shirt and a dark green bowtie, but he looked bored--very bored--and slightly grumpy. 

Harley sat next to him wearing her jester’s outfit with her white face paint and black lipstick, except she didn’t have her head piece on. Instead she had her hair in pigtails and a cone-shaped clown hat in red and black that sat at an angle on her golden blonde hair, topped with a white pompom. 

She looked a little bored too. 

Joker made a face at the camera before sighing heavily. “You know kiddies, your Uncle Joker is getting bored.” 

Harley nodded her agreement. “Yeah, I think this was fun for a while, but we’re both bored out of our minds. We need some excitement, don't we puddin?” 

“Exactly.” Joker nodded. “The old Batboob is getting too good at finding our surprises and he’s getting too prepared for them.” He sighed melodramatically. “It’s lost it’s magic I’m afraid. So tonight will be the last of the Joker and Harley Quinn Reaction videos...let’s hope they’re good ones, because otherwise…” Joker drew his finger across his throat making a very loud cutting sound before he smiled. “And with that cheery thought--at least for me and Harls--let’s see our first video!!” 

Joker hit the button and the first video began to play. 

Joker and Harley watched as a little girl with blonde pigtails was drawing on the sidewalk. Joker chuckled glancing at Harley. “Aw...look Harls, she’s drawing us!” 

Harley smiled brightly. “Awww!!! That’s so sweet!! It’s a mini me!” 

The person filming the little girl, probably the mother, called out. “Whatcha doing sweetheart?” 

“I’m drawing Joker and Harley Quinn…” the little girl answered as she worked, her focus on her chalk drawing. 

“Oh you are, how come?” the mother asked, to which the little girl replied. “Because they’re funny and she’s pretty.” 

“Harley Quinn?” The mother asked. The little girl answered with a distracted, “Uh Huh.” 

Joker looked at Harley. “I love this kid!” 

Harley nodded. “Me too. You know puddin, I think they should get all the money we have left!” 

Joker gasped, putting his hand to his throat dramatically. “You’re right Harley!! How much do we have left?” 

Harley tapped her finger against her lips. “Mmm...I think we have at least $60,000 left.” 

“Oho, she could start her own gang!” Joker crowed with delight while Harley added. “Maybe get her degree in psychology or become a psychiatrist!” 

Joker laughed. “PERFECT!!” 

They both laughed, but on the video a woman came onto the screen who looked ready to spit fire. She was middle aged with a short, odd haircut. She walked over closer to the little girl, yanking a hose with her and sprayed the chalk drawings the little girl had just been working on with water. The little girl jumped up out of the way to avoid being sprayed. She started to cry as the woman and her hose erased her chalk drawings, while the mother filming the woman yelled, 

“What the hell are you doing??” 

The woman on the screen ignored the woman filming her. All the while the muffled cries of the little girl could be heard off screen. 

The woman filming yelled one more time. “Why are you washing away her drawing?!” 

“Because I don’t want to see such depravity!!” The woman with the hose turned on the woman filming her. “You shouldn’t let your little girl draw such disgusting things!” 

Joker’s voice was low and sinister. “I don’t like her.” 

Harley hissed, “I hate her.” 

“You know pumpkin poo, I don’t think I would like her even if she wasn’t destroying that poor little girl’s artistic masterpieces, but because she is, I think I like her even less.” Joker growled in the back of his throat. 

Harley responded with a smile. “Puddin, we could end our video watching career by making our own. I say we do a prank on that woman right there.” Harley pointed at the screen, at the woman who was making the little girl cry. 

“Pumpkin pie, I like the way your wicked little mind thinks!” Joker grabbed the arm of her chair and yanked her close to kiss her cheek. “I think a lesson is in order. “ He chuckled and turned to look at the screen putting a finger to his lips. “Be very, very quiet--we’re hunting Karens…” 

* 

Tim came back into the room, a plate of chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven in one hand, and a glass of milk in the other. He frowned, stopping when he came to the computer screen which had just gone black with the words ‘Stay Tuned’ showing on the screen. 

Tim cringed. He had clearly missed something when he ran up to the kitchen to grab some cookies. He thought it wouldn’t be a big deal since that last couple of Joker and Harley’s streams had been pretty basic and it hadn’t even started yet when he ran up the stairs. But right now he was pretty sure he had missed something important. 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. 

* 

Sharon Bucket narrowed her eyes as she held one of the blind slats down and looked out through her window. The neighbors were having another party, or at least they were having several people over again. She frowned, narrowing her eyes more. They had people over all the time and she found it irritating. 

“Sharon, get away from the window.” In his easy chair, Sharon’s husband Stan was trying to watch TV. “Leave those kids alone.” 

Sharon growled at her husband. “They’re having another party I know.” 

She walked back over and flopped down onto the couch folding her arms over her chest. “Which means they are going to make noise.” 

Stan didn’t look at his wife. “That’s what kids do.” 

Sharon was quiet for a beat before she muttered, “Did you know that witch next door put that video of me up online? I think I should call a lawyer.” 

Stan glanced over at her. “You mean that one whose kid you terrified washing away her chalk drawing?” 

Sharon gave him a dirty look, but nodded. “The same...I can’t believe that woman let her child draw such disgusting things!” 

Stan shrugged. “To the kid, they're just clowns and Harley Quinn is hot. She wasn’t doing anything wrong Sharon.” 

“Well she should have taught her daughter better,” Sharon growled again. “She lives in fucking Gotham!” She was quiet for a second before she groused. “I’m calling a lawyer.” 

Stan didn’t look at his wife as he sighed. “Sharon don’t bother. I think because you were on the public sidewalk, she can film you.” 

Sharon muttered. “It isn’t right. Besides, that woman doesn’t have a husband. What kind of woman has a kid with no husband?” She huffed. “Another car just arrived. Told you they were having a party.” 

Stan groaned. “Who cares Sharon?” 

“I care!” Sharon balled her hands into fists. “This neighborhood used to be a good place to live in before they started just letting anyone into it. I have a good mind to call the city council.” 

Stan groaned, closing his eyes for a moment. “Sharon, you keep calling the city council they are going to find a way to kick us out of the neighborhood.” 

Sharon opened her mouth with a retort, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. 

Sharon looked over at Stan, but her husband made no move to go answer the door. Sharon gave her husband a narrow eyed look, got to her feet, and went to the door. She looked through the peep hole, but she couldn’t see a thing. Cursing Sharon put her ear against the door then yelled. “Who is it??” 

“AVON!” chimed two voices. 

Sharon frowned, looking confused. “Avon?” 

Stan chuckled from his chair without looking over. “You should let them in--you could use some Avon.” 

Shooting her husband a withering look while muttering about getting a divorce, Sharon opened the door just a crack to look out only to have the door kicked in the moment she opened it. Sharon let out a startled gasp, stumbled back, and tripped over her feet before she hit the corner of a table and finally fell on her ass as four people entered her house. The door slammed behind them. 

A small man in a clown costume, along with a large, bald headed man in a pink and lavender tutu getup rushed across the room to Stan who had started to stand up. Her husband had barely gotten a word out when the big tutu wearing man slammed Stan in the chest, forcing him back into his recliner. The little clown began to swiftly duct tape her husband to his chair while the big one stuffed his mouth with some sort of cloth and taped it to his mouth. Sharon also noticed that the big man in the tutu was holding a phone. He was filming she realized, filming their break-in!! Sharon’s face turned red. She was ready to start shouting, screaming, threatening these low-lifes coming into her house to film one of those stupid internet pranks, when she was struck in the chest with the end of a baseball bat that forced her to turn her attention upon the two clowns standing over her. The woman with the bat was dressed like a jester in red and black, but she had blonde hair, while the man standing beside her grinning like a maniac was...Sharon knew exactly who he was...the Joker. Then that meant the woman was Harley Quinn. 

Sharon felt her blood run cold. 

Joker waved with his fingers, grinning brightly. “Hey there Sharon Bucket, you would not believe how helpful people on the internet are in tracking someone down! Especially someone who is a complete twat like you.” 

Harley giggled and shoved the end of her bat against Sharon’s shoulder. “Yeah, washing away a cute little girl’s chalk drawings? Who does that?” 

Joker nodded. “Yeah, pretty nasty there Sharon. I mean Harley and I do some very questionable things, but one rule we have: you never touch kids.” He shook his head sadly. “I mean, kids are our future Sharon. What were you thinking?” 

Harley nodded sagely. “And she was a pretty good artist. I thought she captured me and my puddin really well.” 

Joker chuckled. “Agreed cupcake.” 

“I’m sorry!!” Sharon yelled, putting her hands up. “I won’t do it again!!” 

Joker laughed. “Oh, we’ll see just how sorry you are, won’t we pumpkin?” 

Harley giggled. “We sure will puddin.” 

* 

Tim hissed in surprise when the feed came back showing Joker and Harley inside someone’s home. As the camera panned around, he could see a man duct taped to a recliner and a woman sitting at a kitchen table, her arms out in front of her, duct taped to the tape. Harley was standing beside the woman, a baseball bat on her shoulder and grinning wickedly. 

Joker grinned at the camera as it focused on him. “Hello my darlings!! Thank you all for your help! Guess who we have here. Sharon Bucket! Destroyer of children’s chalk drawings and all around cunt! Say hi Sharon…” 

The camera focused on the woman at the table who was crying. “Someone help me!! Please!!” 

Tim hit the communicator. “Batman, we’ve got a problem!” 

* 

Joker smiled at the camera and stepped over to hop up on the table next to Sharon. “Now Sharon, are you sorry for what you did?” 

“I am!! I’m so sorry! It’ll never happen again!” Sharon was sobbing. 

Joker frowned slightly and pursed his lips as he glanced over at Harley. “You see Sharon, I have a real problem with…” He used his fingers to make air quotes. “‘Death Bed’ confessions. They always seem a bit disingenuous, you know what I mean? I’m a real proponent of fatal lessons, but my beautiful wife here has convinced me that you will never learn if we give you a fatal lesson. So, because my pumpkin is a very smart woman, I’ve decided to go with her recommendation.” 

Sharon looked hopefully over at Harley. “You’re not going to kill me?” 

Harley grinned. “Nope, you can’t really learn if you’re dead. So I have another lesson in mind.” The look on Harley Quinn’s face made all the blood run out of Sharon’s face. “What are you going to do?” 

Joker’s head appeared at the side of the camera frame smiling. “All right darlings, watch carefully. This is what happens when you act like a complete twat...” 

Harley didn’t hesitate as she brought her bat down on one of Sharon’s hands. The woman let out a bloody scream. 

Joker, who was still visible at the corner of the screen put his fingers to his lips, his eyes going wide. “Oh my! That sounded like it hurt!” 

Harley giggled manically, bringing her bat over her head again before bringing the bat down on Sharon’s other hand. 

* 

Batman was racing through Gotham City, following the address that Batgirl had gotten him. His lips were set in a thin line. He knew this was going to end in violence at some point...it always did with those clowns. 

He had seen the video of the woman attacking the child’s chalk drawings, and while he could sympathize with the mother being angry, sending that video to the Joker and Harley Quinn had been the worst decision that mother could have made. If there was a way to arrest her for stupid decisions he would. Her anger over some chalk drawing had probably just gotten her neighbor killed. 

Hitting the gas, the computer in the Batmobile changed the light ahead of them to green and he sped on. 

* 

Joker was laughing as Sharon lay on the floor. Her hands were broken, smashed thoroughly, and Harley had broken Sharon’s humerus bones in both arms, both ulna bones and both radius bones, as well as both of Sharon’s shoulders. The woman would not be using a hose on anyone’s chalk drawing anytime soon. 

Giggling, Joker looked at the camera. “There we go darlings. Never be cruel to children. Old Sharon here is going to need some physical therapy after this. But now we have one more surprise visit!!” 

He turned, with Harley falling into a skip beside him, taking his hand. Archie followed behind them while Bob filmed. The small group headed over to Sharon’s and Stan’s neighbor after a brief stop at their car where Joker pulled out a large bag from the trunk. 

They headed up the stairs to the porch, Joker and Harley hand in hand and knocked at the door. 

* 

Inside, Mandy Bishop and her daughter Nancy had been watching the broadcast, at least Mandy had; she had gotten Nancy distracted with coloring in her bedroom. Mandy stared at the screen of her computer. It was clear that Joker and Harley Quinn were standing right outside her front door. 

She was terrified! 

She thought about not answering the door, but after seeing what had happened to Sharon she thought better of it. Sharon deserved it she had thought viscously, since the woman was the plague of the neighborhood which was why she had sent the video. Maybe that was exactly what she had been hoping would happen? Either way Mandy was scared to open the door, but she was also afraid of what would happen if she didn’t answer the door…. 

Taking a deep breath Mandy walked over to her front door and opened it. Standing on her stoop grinning at her, were Joker and Harley Quinn. 

“HI!!” they said in unison. 

That was when Archie hissed. “Boss! The Bat!!” 

The clowns both turned. Up the street, speeding toward them was the Batmobile. 

Joker groaned. “Fuck!” 

Harley hissed. “Stupid Bat! He ruins everything!” 

Joker shoved the bag at Mandy, hitting her in the chest with it. “You better hide that or Batsy will take it all away from you.” 

Harley grinned. “Tell your little girl we love her art!! We gotta go!!” 

Mandy barely had time to grab the bag before Joker and Harley, along with the other two clowns, turned and ran down her stairs. She watched them run down the sidewalk, just barely having time to throw themselves into a SUV that was waiting there before it took off, tires screeching on the asphalt. A heartbeat later, the Batmobile raced by her house. 

Mandy’s heart was beating so loudly that she didn’t hear her daughter come up beside her, tugging on the bag. “Mommy! Mommy! What did they give you?” 

Mandy looked down at her daughter. “I...I don’t know…” She unzipped the bag carefully, then gasped loudly. Inside the bag was money--a lot of money. 

Mandy blinked, then looked up again, her eyes going down the street to where Joker and Harley had disappeared. 

She smiled and hurriedly stepped back inside her house, closed the door, and looked down at her daughter. “You are not to tell anyone about what they gave us, not the police and not Batman okay?” 

Nancy nodded with a wide smile, then said with all the confidence of a little girl. “I knew they were good clowns.” 

Mandy chuckled before she added, “I think we’re going to move to Metropolis.” 

* 

Frost glanced in the rearview mirror as he drove, saw the Batmoblie hot on their tail. He growled and focused on trying to lose Batman while Bob turned around with his phone, filming Joker and Harley. 

Joker turned around in the back seat, rose up on his knees to look out the rear window while laughing. “I can see his face from here! He’s so pissed!! You can almost see the veins in his neck popping through his suit!!” 

Harley got up on her knees as well, giggling next to Joker. “I wonder if he still stinks?” 

Joker grinned at her. “Oh, I bet he does.” 

“Eww!” Harley giggled as Joker turned, putting his hand out toward the front seats. “Gun!” 

Archie rummaged around for a moment before he pulled out a long barreled revolver. Joker grinned, grabbed the gun, and rolled the window down. He leaned dangerously far out the window, aiming his weapon. 

“Hey Batsy!!! Here’s mud in your eye!!” Joker closed one eye, aimed, and shot. 

* 

Batman cursed when he saw Joker lean out of the window with a gun that had an unusually long barrel. Something hit the side of the car even as Batman swerved to avoid Joker’s shot. The bullet that hit the side of the car wasn’t a bullet at all. It hit the car door and exploded into a bright splash of purple that smeared along the side. Batman looked into the side mirror just long enough to see the smear. 

Batman snarled, muttering to himself. “Paint. Great.” Better than most of Joker’s surprises though, he thought. 

He turned his attention back to Joker and Harley’s SUV, not noticing that the paint started to bubble. 

* 

Joker snickered before popping back inside. “Harley! The baby bombs!” 

Harley leaned down in the back seat and pulled up a large green plastic bucket with a lid over it. Rolling her window down, Harley carefully leaned out with the bucket. Sitting on the edge of her window, the wind ripped her hat away as she tossed the bucket’s contents out onto the street. Tiny, shiny green objects that look like little stars with a happy Joker face painted on each of them flew from the bucket. They landed on the road, spreading out in front of Batman’s car. 

* 

Batman didn’t stop, but simply ran over the sharp objects, secure in the Batmobile’s self-sealing tires. But seconds later he felt a series of tiny explosions under his vehicle. The car listed hard to the left as one of the tires went completely out. Batman struggled to keep control, but suddenly the back left tire went out as well. 

Cursing mentally, Batman fought with the steering. He could smell smoke not just from the explosions and blown tires; something smelled...acidic. That was when he noticed smoke coming from the door of his car. He looked in the side window and saw that the paint had started to eat through the metal of his door. 

Batman wasn’t one for cursing, but he hissed, “Fuck.” 

He unbuckled himself, putting the car on self-steering and hit another button that retracted the roof. He reached forward and hit the eject button. 

* 

Joker squealed when he saw Batman launch into the air. “Here he comes!!” 

Joker ducked back into the SUV while laughing. “God this turned out to be a better night than I hoped!!” 

Harley yelped when they heard Batman hit the roof with a loud thunk. Frost lost control of the SUV for a split second as the sudden extra weight hit the vehicle. The SUV weaved dangerously as Frost struggled with the vehicle. In the next second they all heard the sound of Batman slamming his fist into the roof of the car. 

Harley growled looking up. “Batsy just has to ruin everything! Gun!” 

Archie turned around and tossed Harley a pistol which she easily grabbed and shot up into the roof of the SUV. Frost cringed as the loud retort of the gun going off filled the vehicle compartment. Joker laughed hysterically, clapping his hands. “Get him pumpkin!!” 

Batman was quiet for a few seconds before he started to bang on the roof again. 

“Damn him!” Harley snarled. “I’m going to knock him off!” 

Joker giggled. “Let me help! Sun roof!!” 

Archie reached forward and hit the button for the sun roof. Joker climbed quickly onto the back of the front seat and popped his head out of the sun roof. The wind whipped his green hair forward as he grinned waving. “Hey Batsy darling!!!” Streetlights flashed by creating a weird kaleidoscope effect as Batman looked up from where he had put a large dent in the back of the roof, the wind was whipping his cape back behind him making 

Batman looking like a creature of the night attached to their roof. 

“You’re going back to Arkham Joker!” he shouted. 

Joker laughed. “Well that’s a pretty bold statement for a bat clinging to my car isn’t it!! You have to kinda...I don’t know...catch us first!” He laughed and stuck his thumbs in his ears as he stuck his tongue out. Batman crawled toward Joker. 

“Stop this vehicle!” Batman growled, leaping forward, catching himself again on the SUV with one hand while at the same time he reached out to grab Joker by his throat. Joker choked with a grin as Batman’s armored fingers pressed against his throat and squeezed. 

“Stop the vehicle!” Batman snarled. 

Joker choked on a laugh. 

Instead of Joker answering him, Batman heard Harley. “I don’t think so Batsy!!” 

Batman turned just in time to see Harley, her blue eyes bright with viciousness, her smile hard and all teeth. She looked on the edge of a psychotic break with her hair whipping wildly around her head, her face painted white and her lips midnight black. She had just squeezed herself through the sunroof and was sitting on the edge, her baseball over her shoulder. In the next instant Harley bared her teeth and swung. Her bat slammed against the side of Batman’s jaw, knocking his head to the side with enough force that the rest of his body was flung sideways. 

He lost his grip on the roof and started to go over, but his grip on Joker’s throat yanked Joker with him. Joker caught himself, one hand wrapped around the lip of the sun roof, the other grasping for the SUV, but his grip was already slipping. 

Harley screamed incoherently and came up on one of her knees on the roof as she surged out of the sun roof, the wind whipping her hair around as she slammed her bat down on Batman’s arm with all her strength. She was met with a satisfying crack. Batman’s grip on Joker broke and the Bat fell away. 

Harley grabbed Joker by his collar and yanked him back. He was coughing, holding onto his throat as they both watched Batman hit the street, his body rolling before coming to a stop. They both looked back as the streetlights flashed by only to see the shadow of the Bat get to his feet. 

Joker’s laugh was rough from being choked, but he grinned. “That Bat is really hard to keep down.” 

Harley muttered. “We need to start using some damn RAID bug spray.” 

Joker laughed even though it felt painful. 

* 

Later that night Tim, with Batman sitting next to him while Alfred set his broken arm, watched as Joker started to broadcast again. The broadcast started out with showing the attack on Sharon Bucket, followed by the car chase as seen from inside the SUV, and the final scene being the receding shadow of Batman standing on the street. 

The scene changed. 

The map of Gotham and THE JOKER AND HARLEY QUINN NEWS HOUR printed behind their heads was revealed. Joker and Harley sat there looking at the camera, looking excited and a little tired. Joker had his shirt and vest open, showing off his pale chest and stomach, nasty purple bruises clear on his throat, his green hair brushed back only with his fingers, which allowed curls to escape and dance around his head. Next to him sat Harley with her hair down around her shoulder looking wind swept. She had wiped her make-up off, but there were still smears of white around her hairline, along her chin, and smeared black lipstick across her lips. 

Joker grinned at the screen, his voice a little hoarse. “Well kiddies, tonight was fun. Nothing like ending a show with a bang I say!” he giggled then coughed, reaching for the glass of water that sat on the desk beside him. He took a drink before he resumed. 

“Well Gotham, Harley and I may be done with our little reaction show, but keep failing, keep pranking...you never know when Uncle Joker and Aunt Harley might be watching! Say good night Harley.” 

Harley giggled spinning her chair around as she reached over to spin Joker’s chair to face her. “Good night Harley,” she purred and reached over to grab Joker by the sides of his shirt. She yanked him over to her causing Joker to giggle as she planted her mouth against his in a kiss that made Tim blush as the screen faded.


End file.
